I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
