You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
