I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
