I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
