He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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