Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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