Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
