I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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