if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
