The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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