Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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