I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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