His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
