did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
