my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
