i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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