I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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