No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
