I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
