I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
