The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we're so committed to being not committed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
