My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
