perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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