you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
