I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
All the doctor said was why
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
