Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
