I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
