Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
