the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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