I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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