you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
