so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
