curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
