i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
