M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
