Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
