What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
