I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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