someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
