I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
