Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
