Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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