how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
