once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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