complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
