Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
