I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
