mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
