I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
