A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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