Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
