No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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