no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
