drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
