WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
