Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You can't special order awesome
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
